They Met an Earlier Version of You
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and left wondering whether they still see you as the person you used to be?
Maybe they knew you when you were starting your career, looking for opportunities, asking questions, seeking guidance, or trying to find your place. Years later, you've grown. You've acquired new knowledge, developed new skills, built experience, and perhaps even become a recognised voice in your field. Yet, every now and then, you meet someone who still relates to you as though nothing has changed.
It can be confusing, and you begin to wonder whether they have noticed your growth at all. You question whether they've seen the work you've put in over the years or whether they haven't updated the picture they carry of you.
If you've ever felt that way, you're certainly not alone.
The First Picture Is Often the Strongest
One of the fascinating things about human beings is that our first impressions are remarkably powerful. Social psychologist Solomon Asch explained this through what became known as the primacy effect, the idea that the first information we receive about a person often shapes how we continue to see them, even when new information becomes available (Asch, 1946).
In simple terms, many people don't intentionally refuse to recognise your growth. They simply continue relating to the first version of you they came to know.
Perhaps they met you as a classroom teacher, a volunteer, a trainee, or someone who was still learning. That picture quietly settled in their minds and, unless something causes them to consciously rethink it, it often remains the reference point from which they interpret everything else.
That doesn't necessarily make them unkind; it makes them human.
Growth Doesn't Always Change Other People's Perception
One lesson that took me a while to understand is that personal growth and public perception don't always happen at the same pace.
You may have completed more training than you ever imagined, developed expertise through years of deliberate practice, built a thriving career, or found yourself speaking in rooms you once only dreamt about. While all of that represents genuine growth, it doesn't automatically mean everyone who knew you years ago now sees you differently.
Psychologists describe this through schema theory, which suggests that people organise information using mental frameworks developed from previous experiences (Bartlett, 1932). Once someone forms a mental picture of who you are, they often interpret new information through that existing picture instead of replacing it altogether.
This is why someone can hear about your achievements and still relate to you as though you are standing exactly where you were years ago.
Sometimes, It's Not About You at All
One mistake we can easily make is assuming that people are intentionally trying to diminish us. Sometimes they simply haven't followed our journey closely enough, or life has been so busy for them that they haven't noticed how much we've changed.
And sometimes, they genuinely celebrate us, but still speak to us from the place where they first met us because that's the version of us they know best.
Understanding this can be surprisingly freeing, as it helps us stop looking for validation in places where understanding may simply not exist.
Be Careful Not to Do the Same to Others
While it's easy to think about the people who still see the old version of us, how often do we stop to ask whether we're doing the same thing to someone else? There could be a colleague you still think of as "the new teacher", even though they've become an outstanding school leader. There could also be a former student whose achievements you've never really noticed because your mind still pictures them as the child who sat in the third row of your classroom, and there could also be a friend whose confidence has grown tremendously, yet you still relate to them through the lens of who they were years ago.
Growth deserves to be recognised, not only in ourselves, but in others too.
Keep Growing Anyway
One of the most liberating decisions you can make is to stop measuring your progress by who has noticed it, because not everyone will update the picture they carry of you. However, it should not determine your commitment to becoming better. Your responsibility is not to convince everyone that you've changed; instead, keep learning, growing, serving, and becoming the person your purpose requires.
In time, possibly, some people will notice, while others may never do so.
☘️
Have you for once paused to consider that maybe the greatest evidence of growth is not that everyone recognises, but that you may no longer need everyone to?
The people who matter will eventually see the consistency, excellence, and impact your work is creating. Those who don't may simply be relating to an earlier version of you, a version that was real at the time but no longer reflects who you've become.
So, if someone still sees the old you, don't be discouraged. Just remember that while they may have met an earlier version of you, they are not the ones responsible for writing the rest of your story. 😉
References
Asch, S. E. (1946). Forming impressions of personality. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 41(3), 258–290. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0055756
Bartlett, F. C. (1932). Remembering: A study in experimental and social psychology. Cambridge University Press.
Share | Leave a comment | Keep an eye out for the next blog post 😉
At Relis Educators Hub Limited, we remain committed to advancing inclusive education through professional training, educator empowerment, mindset transformation, and meaningful conversations that move the field forward.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to Relis Educators Hub Ltd.,
where we help you help every child thrive.☘️
Like & follow us on our:
Join our community for ongoing support:
Comments
Post a Comment