What Are Children Learning When We Think They Are Not Learning?
At some point during the programme, a little girl, probably around four years old, walked over to where I was standing. She greeted me warmly, and as someone who genuinely enjoys being around children, I responded with a smile and a gentle pat on her back.
Moments later, she drifted towards the chair where I had placed my handbag.
Curious little hands began exploring the bag.
Fortunately, I noticed what she was doing and gently stopped her before she could continue. She walked away and moved on to something else.
Or so I thought.
A few minutes later, I noticed her approach another adult. She greeted the person affectionately and, just as she had done with me, proceeded to open the adult's handbag.
This time, however, the adult was not paying attention.
I watched quietly.
The little girl opened the bag.
She reached inside.
She pulled out a note.
Not just any note. One of the highest denominations in the purse.
At first, I assumed she would look at it and perhaps return it.
Instead, she carefully closed the handbag and began searching for a place within her clothing to hide the money.
Just as she was about to tuck it away, a hand reached out and stopped her.
It was her father.
The entire incident lasted only a few moments.
But it left me with a question that has remained with me ever since:
Where did she learn that?
Not where did she learn that money exists?
Not where did she learn how to open a handbag?
But where did she learn the sequence?
The confidence.
The behaviour.
The attempt to conceal it.
As I reflected on that experience, my thoughts immediately went to one of the most influential ideas in educational psychology.
Children Learn More Than We Intentionally Teach
Many people assume that learning occurs when teaching takes place.
A lesson begins.
An adult explains.
A child listens.
Learning takes place.
Simple.
Or so we think.
Yet some of the most powerful learning in a child's life happens when nobody believes a lesson is taking place.
A child observes.
A child watches.
A child notices.
A child imitates.
And before long, a behaviour appears that nobody remembers teaching.
Parents often find themselves asking:
"Where did my child learn that?"
Teachers ask the same question.
The truth is that children are constantly learning from the world around them, even when no one is intentionally teaching them.
Albert Bandura Changed How We Understand Learning
Decades ago, psychologist Albert Bandura challenged the traditional idea that learning occurs mainly through direct instruction.
His work suggested something both simple and profound:
People learn by observing others.
Children especially learn by watching the behaviour of people around them, paying attention to what happens next, and deciding whether that behaviour is worth repeating.
In other words, observation is not a passive activity.
It is an active learning process.
A child does not need to be told everything.
Sometimes, seeing is enough.
The Hidden Curriculum in Every Home
Think about it.
Most parents teach their children to be respectful.
Yet children are also watching how adults speak to neighbours.
How they respond to disagreements.
How they treat service providers.
How they handle frustration.
How do they talk about other people when those people are not present?
The spoken lesson says one thing.
The observed lesson may say another.
And often, the observed lesson becomes the stronger teacher.
Children rarely learn only from what we say.
They learn from what we consistently do.
The Hidden Curriculum in Every School
The same principle applies in education.
Schools spend considerable time teaching values.
Respect.
Integrity.
Responsibility.
Empathy.
Honesty.
These values are important.
But learners are also observing the adults around them.
They notice how teachers speak to one another.
They observe how school leaders handle mistakes.
They watch how conflicts are resolved.
They pay attention to whether fairness is practised or merely preached.
Every school teaches two curricula.
The curriculum is written in lesson plans.
And the curriculum is demonstrated through behaviour.
One is taught.
The other is observed.
Both leave lasting impressions.
The Question We Often Ask Is the Wrong One
When children display concerning behaviours, adults often ask:
"What is wrong with this child?"
Sometimes, that is the wrong starting point.
A more useful question might be:
"What has this child been learning?"
That question changes everything.
Because behaviour does not emerge in isolation.
Children exist within families, schools, communities, friendships, media environments, and digital spaces.
They are constantly absorbing information about what is acceptable, what gets rewarded, what attracts attention, and what appears normal.
The behaviour we see is often the visible result of invisible learning.
Children Are Always Watching
This is perhaps the most humbling reality of all.
Children are watching us when we think they are not.
They are listening when we assume they are distracted.
They are learning when we believe no lesson is taking place.
The way we manage stress.
The way we speak about ourselves.
The way we treat people who cannot benefit us.
The way we handle success.
The way we respond to disappointment.
All of these become part of a child's education.
Whether we intend them to or not.
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As I reflected on that little girl at the event, I realised that the most important lesson was not about her behaviour.
It was about all of us.
Parents.
Teachers.
School leaders.
Caregivers.
Mentors.
Every adult who influences a child's world.
Because perhaps the most important question is not:
"What am I teaching children?"
Perhaps the more important question is:
"What are children learning from me when I do not realise they are watching?"
That question has a way of making us pause.
And perhaps it should.
According to Bandura's insight, learning does not always begin when the lesson starts.
Sometimes, it begins when someone thinks nobody is watching.
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Children may forget many of the things we tell them.
But they often remember what we repeatedly show them.
The examples we set become lessons.
The habits we model become messages.
The behaviours we normalise become part of their understanding of the world.
So the next time a child's behaviour leaves us puzzled, perhaps we should resist the urge to ask only what they have been taught.
Instead, we might ask:
What have they been watching?
The answer may teach us as much about ourselves as it does about the child.
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