When Expectations Become Heavier Than Potential
It does not begin with neglect.
It begins with love.
Parents want their children to thrive.
Educators want their learners to progress.
Therapists want to see measurable growth.
Yet sometimes, without realizing it, expectations become heavier than the child’s present capacity. And when that happens, something subtle shifts: learning becomes pressure, effort becomes proof, and childhood becomes performance.
This is where we must pause, and return to meaning.
When Success Is Defined Externally
Expectations are often shaped by comparison:
1. Age-grade standards
2. Cultural definitions of excellence
3. Sibling achievements
4. Social media narratives of “high performance”
But potential does not unfold on a universal timeline.
For children with special educational needs, development is rarely linear. Growth may be slower in some areas and remarkably strong in others. When expectations are anchored to external benchmarks rather than individual readiness, children begin to feel as though they are constantly catching up.
And over time, they internalize that feeling.
A Logotherapy Lens: Meaning Before Metrics
Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl proposed that the deepest human drive is not achievement, pleasure, or power, but meaning.
When we apply this lens to parenting and teaching, the question changes.
Instead of asking,
“How do we make this child perform better?”
We begin to ask,
“How do we help this child experience meaning in their growth?”
Children can endure challenge.
They struggle with meaninglessness.
When effort feels purposeful and supported, resilience grows.
When effort feels like endless correction, identity erodes.
The Subtle Danger of Turning Children Into Projects
In systems that prioritise outcomes, it becomes easy to reduce a child to goals, reports, and performance indicators.
But a child is not a checklist.
Not a comparison point.
Not a social statement.
Not a reflection of adult competence.
A child is an end in themselves.
When parental anxiety, social pressure, or institutional targets take center stage, the child’s voice can become secondary. What begins as hope can quietly become strain.
The Difference Between Challenge and Pressure
Healthy challenge stretches a child within their developmental zone.
Harmful pressure ignores that zone.
For a child with special educational needs:
1. Structured intervention can build confidence.
2. Excessive correction can produce anxiety.
3. Supportive scaffolding can strengthen independence.
4. Constant comparison can trigger withdrawal.
The difference lies in whether the child feels safe, seen, and supported, or constantly evaluated.
Redefining What Progress Means
Progress does not always look like rapid academic acceleration.
Sometimes progress looks like:
1. Regulating emotions after frustration
2. Asking for help independently
3. Completing a task without shutdown
4. Participating without fear
5. Communicating needs clearly
These milestones may not trend on report cards, but they form the foundation of lifelong competence.
When we redefine success through dignity and meaning, growth becomes sustainable rather than performative.
Perhaps the real shift is not about lowering expectations.
It is about aligning them.
Instead of asking,
“How far can we push?”
We ask,
“What environment will help this child flourish?”
Instead of measuring children against a rigid standard,
We design systems that respond to human variation.
Meaning-centred support does not remove accountability.
It restores humanity.
Parents, educators, therapists, and school leaders all shape the emotional climate in which children grow.
Children absorb tone.
They sense urgency.
They internalize comparison.
But they also respond powerfully to:
1. Patience
2. Realistic goal setting
3. Celebrated effort
4. Emotional safety
5. Collaborative planning
When meaning guides expectation, children do not simply achieve, they develop resilience, confidence, and self-worth.
☘️
If you are a parent:
Are my expectations nurturing growth, or reflecting my fears?
If you are an educator:
Are my standards flexible enough to honor individual pathways?
If you are a school leader:
Do our systems measure progress, or do they measure children?
When we move from pushing children to understanding them, we create the conditions for authentic flourishing.
Because growth that is rooted in meaning lasts longer than growth driven by pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to Relis Educators Hub Ltd.,
where we help you help every child thrive.☘️
Like & follow us on our:
Join our community for ongoing support:
Comments
Post a Comment