The Look That Taught Me a Lesson in Teaching

A female teacher sharing a happy moment with students in a classroom

I still remember the first day I walked into that SS2 class. I was a corps member then, serving my country through the National Youth Service. It was my first time teaching teenagers. 

Before that, I had only taught preschoolers back in Lagos, so I walked in that day ready to learn as much as I would teach.

My plan was simple: introduce myself and get to know the students. But as I spoke, one particular girl caught my attention. She gave me that look ...you know, that little smirk that says, “Who’s this one? You’re not the first corper to come here, and you won’t be the last we frustrate.” 😄

I knew that look very well. It was a challenge. 


But instead of seeing her as a threat, I saw something else. She looked young, confident, and honestly quite cute. I decided not to react. Instead, I found ways to bring her closer. I gave her small leadership tasks, used her for examples, and made sure she had opportunities to shine.

Somewhere in my mind, I knew that if I didn’t engage her positively, she might become a problem. But I also knew I wanted her to feel seen ... not as a “troublesome student,” but as someone with value.

By the time my service year ended, she was one of those who cried when I was leaving. 

That day, I learnt something that changed how I saw students. 

I realised behaviour is not just about “good” or “bad.” It’s a language. And when we listen closely, we discover what children are really trying to say.


What behaviour really means

Many times, when a child acts out, there’s a reason behind it. Maybe they want attention. Maybe they’re trying to escape a difficult task. It could also be that they want something or that their body simply needs to move or feel something. These are what we call the functions of behaviour.

When we stop judging behaviour and start asking, “What is this child trying to communicate?”, we open a door to understanding.


Recent studies have found that this kind of approach truly works. For example:

  • A review of teacher-led interventions found that helping children manage behaviour through connection and structure reduced aggression and improved teacher-student relationships.

  • Another study discovered that classrooms where teachers had clear routines and strong relationships saw better behaviour and academic results.

  • Research also shows that when teachers believe they can manage behaviour effectively, their students tend to behave better too.


In short, behaviour management is not just about enforcing rules. It’s about understanding the human behind the behaviour: their needs, their fears, and their small unspoken requests for connection.


What my story taught me

Looking back, I now see that my actions in that classroom matched what the research says. I gave that student structure, attention, and belonging. I didn’t punish her for the look she gave me, I understood it as communication.

Had I focused only on discipline, I might have missed the chance to build a connection. That small choice made all the difference.


A gentle challenge to educators

Every child has a story. 

Some tell it with smiles, some with silence, and some with behaviour that tests your patience. But if we can pause and ask, “What is this child’s behaviour trying to tell me?”, we begin to teach from the inside out.

When teachers learn to see beyond behaviour, we stop reacting and start connecting. That’s when true inclusion begins... not just by policy, but from the heart.

So, if you’re an educator, I encourage you to keep learning, keep reflecting, and keep training yourself to see the mind behind the behaviour. Because sometimes, the difference between chaos and connection is not a punishment or a rule ...it’s a shift in perspective.



☘️


Dear Educators,


When we change how we see our students, we change what’s possible for them.








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