When Teachers Move On: A Leadership Moment That Matters

Teacher walking out of a school gate – Holding a tote bag, looking back with a smile. Symbolises moving forward positively.
Imagine it’s a Tuesday morning. A teacher knocks on your office door. You invite them in, and after a deep breath, they say, “I’ve decided to resign.”

In Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), we say “every communication changes the state of the listener.”


 In that moment, your emotional state will shift—maybe you feel disappointed, surprised, or even betrayed. That’s normal.

But the truth is: just like in any other job, teachers have the right to decide when it’s time to move on. They have dreams, plans, and personal goals—just like you do.


Why Does It Sting So Much?

Maybe because you’ve told them more than once, “We’re a family here.”
It’s a nice sentiment, but from my perspective, the word “family” carries an embedded presupposition—it suggests permanence, loyalty without limits, and an emotional obligation to stay.

So when someone leaves, your mind might process it as “family breaking apart” rather than “a professional moving to a new chapter.” That unconscious framing can make you feel more hurt than you expected.



When Agreement Meets Emotion

Perhaps you’ve also said, “I’m okay with anyone leaving as long as they give a month’s notice.”

Well, now they’ve done exactly that. Yet, instead of feeling “okay,” you feel upset. Why? Because the conscious agreement (month’s notice) is now clashing with your subconscious expectations (don’t leave me, we’re family).

That’s what we call an internal incongruence in NLP—your words and your emotional state are out of sync.



What’s Really Going On in Your Mind

I know that people run their lives through internal representations—the pictures, sounds, and feelings in their mind.


When someone leaves, your mind might instantly pull up images of gaps in your staff, unfinished projects, or struggles in replacing them. That mental movie creates a state of anxiety or frustration, which drives your behaviour.

However,

Instead of focusing on the loss, focus on the time you had together. They gave you their skills, their presence, their energy. They helped you grow your school.



A Leader’s Grace

You’ll find someone new. Your school will continue. But the way you handle the moment a teacher says they’re leaving says more about your leadership than it does about their loyalty.

Your response will anchor an emotional memory—not just for you, but for the person leaving and those still on your team.

If you respond with appreciation and dignity, you set a positive anchor that strengthens your culture.
If you respond with resentment, you set a negative anchor that erodes trust.


☘️


The real test of leadership isn’t only how you welcome people in.
It’s how you let them go—with grace, respect, and gratitude.





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Comments

  1. Cynthia OghenegarenAugust 11, 2025 at 3:42 PM

    The real test of leadership isn’t only how you welcome people in.
    It’s how you let them go—with grace, respect, and gratitude.

    This is a big take home for me

    ReplyDelete

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